Life and Love in Times of Ebola

Ever since news broke out about the scourge of the deadly contagion, things have not quite been the same again. It didn't help matters that the one recorded case into the country had been contained albeit unsuccessfully treated. The people are now a paranoid lot, one can't be too sure if somehow an afflicted person had managed to slip through the radar undetected. Read about how the lives of four individuals are affected as they try to live and love during this time of growing mistrust, uncertainty and overcatiousness…

Omoregie, 37: Ikoyi, Lagos

He thought about his wife, his two kids and how he had been an absentee husband and father for the past six months. He couldn’t even remember the last time he kissed Efe or helped Omoregie jnr. with his homework. Maybe this was for the best he pondered. Yesterday, Nora his work colleague and mistress had returned from Monrovia, Liberia where the company had commenced plans to open a new branch.

Nora was the consulting manager in charge of expansion and had spent only two days there; the trip was cut short as a result of the Ebola crisis. But two days was enough for Omoregie, in fact it was more than enough to reflect on his marriage, his shortcomings as a father and more importantly…his health. He wanted to remain healthy. While he sat at the office desk, looking at his family portrait, he concocted various ways to break up with Nora.

During Lunch break, she came excitedly into his office for their usual afternoon romp. He looked up from his desk without even standing:

“Hey Nora, we need to talk”, He began…

Chiggy ‘the gee’ Chigenye, 20: Maryland, Lagos

It was another Sunday at Happy Campers Bible Church; the praise and worship session was more fevered than usual and the prayer warriors were all over the place, kicking and yelling their veneration in full force. Chiggy sat at the end of his pew, a good several meters from the next person, observing in detail the spectacle before him.

He was in church for the second time this year; his motivation was not salvation or the fear of eternal damnation but love. Chiggy had come to church because of a girl. Unfortunately for him she seemed absent today but he waited with optimism. Minutes later, the pastor announced from the altar:

“Look at your neighbor, shake their hand and welcome them to church!”

Chiggy watched anxiously as a happy ‘camper’ approached him with a smile and open arms but he would have none of it, instead he maintained his distance and performed the ‘peace’ sign followed by a ‘thumbs up’ and bumped his chest twice with a fist in true ‘gee’ fashion. God would understand he reasoned, after all heaven helps those who help themselves. When will people realise that Ebola is real? He scanned the church perimeter once again wondering when Nnenna would show up.

Iya Risi, 50: Obalende, Lagos Island

She was the envy of other food vendors. Her stall boasted of the tastiest assorted meats this side of Lagos; grass-cutters, alligators, antelope, monkey… you name it, everything and anything was available at Iya Risi’s stall. People came from as far as Festac to enjoy her famous spicy delicacies. But today was different.

Today, Iya Risi’s usually crowded stall was a shadow of its former self. It was empty and for the first time in twenty years, her large matronly hips could pass between two tables without knocking over someone’s head. She was worried.

Across her stall, Iya Badejo, the fish vendor struggled to maintain the crowd at her stand. What has happened? She wondered; has everybody suddenly become vegetarian, abi her kini don expire? But she saw Baba Ifa Karade just few months ago. As she watched the bustle at Iya Badejo’s stall, her worry soon turned to anger and that was when she made up her mind to visit her hometown Ile Ife once again, for the Baba’s wise consult…

Jenny, 29 and Vincent 31: VGC, Lagos

“What do you think you are doing?” She asked recoiling, as he leaned forward to peck her. It was a long day at work and he needed her warmth.

“Honey, I just had a tough day…can I at least kiss you?”

“Not before you have a good shower”, she replied.

“By the way Aunty Ebi stopped by with the Dudu Osun soaps as promised. She said they are even more effective than those cleaning agents at your hospital”.

He hated how she believed every word Aunty Ebi said over his, yet he was one of the smartest surgeons in Lagos. Shrugging, he dumped his clothes in a plastic tarp at the back of the house. Jenny always insisted that they had to be separated from the other family stuff for washing. After showering with the smelly black soap, he came down for dinner and…surprise!

“What is this?" He asked, confused.

“Cous cous…Aunty Ebi says we should avoid meat and similar foods this period. Did you use the hand-sanitiser after your bath?

Arrgh! If he heard that name one more time he would lose it. The food was insipid but he ate it anyway. Later in bed that night he attempted to cuddle his wife but she withdrew.

“Sweety, can we not try for a baby tonight? I don’t want to get pregnant this period; Aunty Ebi said it is riskier…”

At that point he zoned off and left the room. He wondered who was more dangerous to his life right now: The Ebola virus or Aunty Ebi…

THE END

A Nigerian Horror Story

The Pee Partner

Jide! Jide!!

He whispered as he shook his bigger bunk mate awake. The whole dormitory was dark (the generators were off) and everyone was asleep. It was 1:30am and he had a pressing urge to empty his bladder but he was too scared to go alone.

‘What?’ Jide asked, he sounded a bit angry that his sleep had been interrupted at such an ungodly hour.

‘I need to pee, come with me, please.’ Chidi whispered.

Jide grumbled as he roused himself reluctantly from the bed. The request was not unusual, they were both JS 1 students and on previous nights, Chidi had done the same for him. It was an unwritten agreement among most juniors, to have a pee partner at night.

When they got to the darkness of the long corridors, Chidi switched on his torchlight and Jide quickly admonished him.

“What do you think you are doing?’ He asked, still whispering.

“We need light naa” Chidi replied, switching off the torchlight.

“Ehn..so that they will see us?”

Chidi didn’t need to ask who they was, he knew Jide was referring to creatures of the night. The lost spirits of Federal Government College Ijanikin, doomed to haunt the hostels in search of their lost purpose and scaring hapless students while they were at it. They only came out at night; that was when their powers were allowed to work, it was believed.

He wondered why these beings would need light to see them, weren’t they ghosts after all? Their eyes didn’t operate with the same optical laws as humans. But he didn’t bring this logic to Jide’s attention, lest he got angry and left him alone.

They walked all the way to the bathroom at the end of the corridor, managing the scant moonlight that filtered its way through the open quadrangle. One of the boys in room 5 was snoring deeply; it had to be Wogu, the oldest and easily the strongest boy in Usman Dan Fodio dormitory.

When they got to the toilets, both boys peed from the door, directing their urine in a noisy watery projectile, not daring to go inside the darkness for fear of what awaited within. Their piss may have been missing its mark but neither boy cared. It was at times like this that Chidi was glad his hostel chores didn’t include cleaning the toilets. Nevertheless, they finished their business and quickly made it back to their beds with a little over 3 hours left to the waking siren.

  

A Week Later

The boys had just got back from night prep and Sukanmi the room clown had decided to start a belching competition, they were JS I students so their idea of fun wasn’t far-fetched from such frivolility. It of course involved drinking a lot of water and eager throats which was in abundance that night. Soon afterwards the boys were tired and it wasn’t until 11:30pm after lights out that the last of them fell asleep.

Chidi! Chidi!!

It was his friend Jide (more like pee partner) rousing him from sleep.

I am pressed! Jide whispered, his discomfort was evident in his voice.

Okay, Chidi agreed. He too was suddenly pressed to pee. That damn belching competition…

He looked at his watch. It was 1.30am. Again? His bladder might as well have a timer, he reasoned.

The night was windy and moonless as they walked that long corridor to the toilet; Chidi’s torchlight remained off, he was trying to ignore his fear of the dark which kept tempting him to switch it on. As usual both boys directed their projectile pees towards the general area of the toilet.

Suddenly something hooted (probably an owl) and a dark feline creature leapt from the darkness towards them. Jide shrieked and ran -pyjamas unbuttoned- leaving Chidi who was still halfway through. It is always difficult stop your micturition halfway especially when in panic, in fact it is painful (ask any boy).

Somehow Chidi managed to recover and started to run after his friend Jide who by now was at the end of the corridor. Unfortunately for him (Chidi), he stepped into a puddle of water and slipped, slamming his head onto a stone slab that covered the drainage area.

Blackout!

Minutes or so later he came to, his pyjama was soaked and wetness dripped from his head, he hoped for his sake that it wasn’t urine. He was angry at Jide for leaving him like that; they were supposed to be friends or partners…What kind of pee partner was he? He would tell him what he thought of him. Angrily, he picked up his torch, the glass was broken and he wondered if it still worked, damning the consequences he hit the on switch…the light came on. Mistake!

That was when he saw them.

Two pale looking boys in pyjamas walking quietly along the same corridor. They saw him too and cried out. Their screams drowned his as they turned around and began to run. He ran after them too, calling for help and trying to explain but they wouldn’t hear him. They ran faster. He tried to catch up and suddenly noticed his legs had left the floor, he had begun to float.

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The Next Morning, at the quadrangle in Usman Dan Fodio Hostel, two boys Nosa and Amanam recount their ghost encounter to the other students who gathered in astonishment to listen.

Nosa: He had blood all over his face and pyjamas, they were soaked red. He had a torch too and kept calling out ‘Jide’…

Amanam: And when I turned back he was flying, it is the most horrible thing I have ever seen. I can’t stay, I just called home. I will be a day-student instead.

The House captain, an older boy who was listening affirmed their story and told them that what they had described sounded like Pee-boy Chidi, the urban legend of a JS 1 boy who died in the hostel several years ago.

They say he went out to urinate one night with his friend Jide, somehow he slipped and hit his head on a stone and died. Jide who was with him then said they were running and he thought Chidi was right behind him, only to find his bloody body on the slab the next morning.

Today his ghost is believed to haunt the hostel corridors with a torchlight; sometimes it enters the room, waking a boy up, calling him ‘Jide’ and whispering into his ear:

“I need to pee, come with me…pleeeease.”

Will you be his new pee partner?

THE END