Tales from the East (2)

Last night I had a strange dream. It was as strange as it was funny. Wonder where I get all these stuff...

So I dreamt that I was vacationing on an Island somewhere near Puerto Rico. I was excited, I looked forward to seeing really beautiful women; the likes of Vida Guerra and Gloria Velez. Unfortunately, for some reason, all the women I saw there were ugly and hairless. Puzzled by this, I asked why and was told that demand for women's hair had trippled since they started being exported to Nigeria and as a result many of their women were in a frenzy to cash in on the fad. In fact the commercial result was such a success to the Puerto Rican economy that their Government was giving incentives to local 'hair-farmers'. 
                       
It was dreadful and my holiday was ruined.

So in order to salvage what was left of my vacation, I quickly flew back to Nigeria hoping to finish it there. Co-incidentally, I came back to discover that the Puerto Rican men having missed their women's dark and rich long hair had migrated to Nigeria en masse to meet the now 'long-haired' Nigerian women. Soon it became a reason of concern when they started to fall in love and compete with Nigerian men for their women. And Puerto Ricans being all latin and exotic and, Nigerian women whose love for latin telenovellas is no secret were immediately drawn to them. It was a social-cum-biological engulfment and very soon there were Puerto Rican mix-breed babies and children everywhere!

The last straw was when my dream girfriend Chigor came with a preggy belly to tell me she was getting married to a Rodriguez. At that point I woke up with a scream...

My grandmother started to knock on my door but I called out to her that it was only a nightmare. I was sweating profusely and decided to take a cool shower to clear my head.

I have been in my hometown for sometime now, having left Owerri two days ago...(By the way kudos to All Seasons Hotel for their swift room service. You don't get much of that in Owerri these days). So here I am in my villa not Puerto Rico, I haven't been here since 2006 when my grandpa was buried. Five whole years and so many things had changed.

For one, I am happy to say that the WIFI service here is quite good so I am able to blog just fine. It's probably because of that huge telecom mast at Umudike market square.

However, I have also noticed that there are fewer palm trees now than there were before. I begin to wonder if deforestation will soon be a cause for concern. The place isn't looking so countryside anymore. I mean, if we didn't have that 'villa' feel, where would we go to relax from all the Lasgidi hustle and bustle? Sometimes I feel sorry for the indigent Lagosians, especially those whose hometown are in Victoria Island or Ikoyi or something but let's not dig further...

Secondly, there seems to be jump in the number of fast-food eaterys in the nearby town (though not in my home vicinity itself). I am thinking, if these junk foods start spreading towards our area, we would have a big problem considering our beloved akpu and mmiri-oku ji  which is our staple diet will be threatened with extinction. Not good, given that at a time that food saved my father's family during the civil war.

Another major change is in the youths. They obviously have been exposed to city-life just a bit too much. Am not surprised anyway, after all Owerri is only a forty-five minutes drive away.
The sagging jeans (not yet like that of Generation wiz though), colourful lifestyle, Brazilian/Puerto Rican hair (don't be surprised, I've seen a few so far. How real of fake it is, is still open for investigation) and BlackBerry's, yes BB's. My Grandmother  was complaining about them the other day. She said;

"You too you have that phone that is big like a book? Last week, Mazi Odom's son was using it and didn't know when he was crossing the road, a big car hit him and he is still in the hospital. I hope you don't cross the road like that?"

"No Mama. I hardly take it out when I am on the road, except when I really need to call." (I am indulging her)

"Does your own have that wire they put in the ears that make you not to hear too?"

"Yes Mama, but I didn't bring it."

"Good. And then she continued cooking."

 With my grandmother respect was key and I gave it to her always.

Anyways, back to the issue of Blackberrys. The BB fad has got here and the fever has caught very fast. I happened to accidentaly spy the chat on some kid's phone yesterday and the term OMG came up a few times. At first I thought it meant the usual Oh my gosh lingo. Imagine my shock when I was told it was O maka gini! An Igbo exclamation translating to 'Why?'

Now am wondering if LOL, LMAO or SMH mean the same thing or have their own local translations... I will definitely keep you posted on that one.

I have to stop now so that I can feed the goats and check the yam barn. The umunna meeting is a few days away. I will also keep you posted on that too. Cheers