Sweet Victories

Isn't it quite embarrassing when sometimes you get the neighbor's mail or delivery parcel, especially when the contents are less than glorifying?

That weekend when I answered the doorbell, the delivery guy outside seemed to be in a hurry as he handed me the sealed carton-box. Puzzled, I thought of who might have sent me an early Christmas gift because my birthday had passed over four months ago. I was about signing the acknowlegdment copy when my eyes caught the description of the parcel's contents.
It read:

Ann Summer's "Rampant Rabbit": Maxi Deluxe model

Now this got me really interested so I decided to take a closer look at the recipient's address and that was when it made sense. The parcel was meant for house14d and not 14b (which was mine). I pointed the guy in the direction of the next building and quickly shut my door. I was quite surprised.
Now I am not conservative or prude, far from it but it was who lived next door, and why she would want a vibrator (and a maxi model at that), that baffled me.

You see, that address belonged to Mrs. Ajala.

Mrs. Ajala who stood for everything faultless and just.
Mrs. Ajala who led the weekly house fellowship on Saturdays (and frowned severely whenever I declined invitation).
Mrs Ajala the control freak and poster child for righteous feminists everywhere.

An idea suddenly came into my head and I decided to pay Mrs. Ajala a visit.

I had recently inherited an Alsatian from one of my relatives who passed away. I am not really into dogs, but this particular Uncle meant a lot to me so I decided to keep Castro. Unknown to me my next door neighbour the Missus hated them with a passion. I even heard she had started a petition to ban certain breeds of dogs from the estate and it was gathering momentum and followership. With the rate at which it was growing, I was probably going to lose Castro by the next Residents' Association meeting.

And I wasn't prepared to allow that happen.

I found her tending to her roses just on the other side of the white fence we shared. Many times I had thought of  cutting those flowers.

Me: Good Afternoon Mrs. Ajala

Mrs Ajala: What do you want? 

She never hid her dislike for me

Me: Did you get your parcel today?

Mrs Ajala: What are you talking about? 

Her voice sounded like someone was turning cement and granite and several small stones in an iron basin.

Me: Did you get that delivery parcel you ordered this morning? That did it, she suddenly stopped trimming and looked at me.

Mrs Ajala: How do you know about that?

Me: I have photocopies of the invoice paper and receipts of your kinky orders and unless you quash that petition about dogs you are having, Mr. Ajala is going to receive them in his next mail.

I had resorted to blackmailing her but it was justified. Someone like her had to be taught a lesson once in a while. Besides I was also doing some of the other residents'a big favour.

Mrs Ajala: What?! You can't try it! Ori e! Ori dafun e!

I walked away as she kept raining abuses at my back. I was counting on the possibility that her husband was unaware of her online purchases. Why would he? Afterall he was the local pastor.
She had two weeks to stew over it. And I was patient.

On the day of the meeting, I made sure I sat where I could see her without being obstructed. For someone who was usually very verbose at these meetings, that day she seemed quite withdrawn. I smiled to myself when I overheard a few people ask if she was alright. They would never really know...

When it was time for 'Any other Matters', the Chairman asked if anyone had a topic they wished discuss. He was looking particularly at Mrs. Ajala. Everybody knew about her little petition.

Err...Mrs. Ajala?

All eyes turned to her. She slowly shook her head and said she had nothing to say. Suddenly there was a small raucous of side-talks as people wondered what could have changed her mind.

At that point, I left the meeting to attend to other pressing things at home. The Missus hadn't called my bluff afterall and had actually bought my phony threat to expose her. It looked like Castro was going to be staying with me for a long time to come. It's funny how much you can acheive with a little privileged information.

 This evening, I can see Mrs. Ajala jogging on the sidewalk from my bedroom window and I am thinking I should take Castro out for a walk too. It's nothing personal, he just needs his exercise.

Mrs. Ajala if you are reading this post right now, you can be rest assured that your secret is safe with me.