Generation Wiz

Thanks for the comments guys. Please I would love to hear your feedbacks and comments on this blog. It's the only way I can keep it flowing...

Okay, so is it just me or has anyone noticed how fast Generation Wiz (what I call fans of Wiz-kid; usually children between 10yrs and 17 yrs old) kids grow these days? Especially the girls! It's so suprising, that it could even get you into trouble [ask R. Kelly and Akon]. And I speak from a personal experience, but I'll come back to that later.

In the meantime, did you know Okada men now have complimentary cards? I didn't!

Last Thursday evening, I was to meet up with my boss and a potential client for an informal evening meeting at Diamond Lounge in The Palms. I had the mental presentation ready and kick-ass designs on my Ipad. It was going to be a winning pitch, however the notorious T-junction traffic at the Oriental Hotel area had other plans.

When I eventually turned into Oniru avenue, I drove into the mother of all traffics just before Fidelity Bank. I looked at the dashboard clock. It was 6.45pm and the meeting was for 7pm. I opted for the Four Points Hotel route (that traffic usually moves faster, try it sometime). It took another ten minutes to get to the hotel itself, and when I did I parked just by the side of the gate and flagged an Okada. I was desperate.

Me: Shoprite!

Okada rider: Oya, hundred naira

As we started, he passed me a helmet. I am wary about public stuff like that, infact I didn't like wearing them. Remember those ads about guys with incurably ugly bumps behind their heads? Now do you still wonder where they come from? The helmet even had a dent in it.

Me: What kind of helmet is this? Abeg hold your thing.

Okada rider: Oga abeg wear the helmet oh. The thing save me day before yesterday. I for nearly die!

Me: What?!

I looked at the man more closely. The day before yesterday was too soon. I wondered if he was even safe to ride yet. Without much ado, I quickly put on the helmet an held my breath all the way to The Palms. It was definitely a night of breaking all the rules. When we got there, he passed me a card and said I could call if I was leaving, that he might still be around.

An hour or so later the meeting was over. I hadn't been too late but the presentation was good. The client, a slightly overweight Lebanese was impressed and automatically, so was my boss. That was what mattered.

After the usual polite pleasantries, we dispersed. I looked at my time, 8:15pm was still early enough so I decided to goose around.

You see The Palms is such a funny place. Most people go there for several reasons. Asides from the real one of shopping and window-shopping, there are people who actually go there just to show off tacky outfits and hook up magas. I mean it's just a mall! No offence though, afterall everybody's hustling.

After about twenty minutes of looking around, I got bored and decided to chill by Food Court and have a Shawama. Sadly, it wasn't the best I had ever tasted. I took out my Ipad and began to fiddle with my latest working models. For a minute I looked up across my table and that was when I saw her.

I don't know how long she had been sitting there, but obviously she had noticed me before I did her. I continued to "concentrate" on my Ipad, and when I looked up again she was still looking my way.

She was dark, tall and leggy. Her shorts emphasized that well. The pink halter neck top she wore told me there was more beneath the generous cleavage than I was allowed to see. She was attractive in a Matilda Obaseki kind of way.

The moment she said hi, I found myself at her table. I don't know how it happened but one minute I was by myself and before I could say bad shawama, I was by her side.

 Girl: Hey

Me: Hi, are you alone?

Girl: Isn't that obvious? She smiled, making a dramatic wave of the empty space around her.

Me: I can't imagine that is possible on a night like this. Do you know it's a full moon tonight? (Not so cheesy if you pull it off with the right swag)

Girl: So?

Me: So, there are wolves around here.

Girl: Wolves like you? 

She crossed and uncrossed her long legs, Sharon Stone-in-Basic Instinct-style. Her smile was lascivious.

Girl: Take my picture! She pointed to my Ipad. 

She smiled at me and struck a pose. I caught her in various stylish positions and she kept laughing with each shot. At that moment I noticed the woman behind us had been looking with a disapproving eye. I didn't mind her then, instead I reached out and set the girl's hair properly before taking a few more photos.

Me: You are such a natural, are you a model?

Somehow all my lines tonight were sounding cheesy.

Girl: No

Now the woman behind us began to glare at me. She was really tall and had a hard stare. I imagined she wished she was younger at a time like this. I wonder why older women have such beef for younger ladies. Especially when they were catching their fun. Simple case of bad belle.

Me: What do you do then, act?

Girl: Nah, Vivian Fowler.

Vivian Fowler, the name sounded familiar. The only Vivian Fowler I could think of was a school...

Me: Oh! so you teach then? I said smiling. Vivian Fowler was an all girls secondary school in Ikeja.

Girl: Nope, I am a student there.

Me: I didn't know Vivian Fowler had a University, where is it? I asked, still clueless.

The chic began to look at me now as if I was some dumb dude.

"No, they don't. I am a student there. I'll be writing my WAEC next May. I am actually waiting here for my Mother to..."

At that point it dawned on me that the babe was only in Secondary School! Holy mother of....

Then the woman who had been glaring at us all this time began to walk towards us. I didn't need to be a genius to figure out who she was all along. So in order to avoid a scene, I did the next smart thing....

Me: [at the top of my voice for anybody within earshot]: ...So make sure you prepare very well okay? WAEC isn't so difficult when you work hard. You are smart and your parents are good people. Good luck!

Without waiting for the woman to get to the table, I took the next quick exit out of The Palms.
My! What did I nearly get myself into? The chic gave all the signs of a mature pro and it turned out she was only a Generation Wiz!

I kept walking. It was now 9pm and there was no body in sight outside the gate, not even a bike. Then I heard a woman's voice call out to me, bros!

I turned my head away in disgust. I had had enough for one night. I put my hand inside my pocket and brought out a card. It read:

                               Amos Adugba
                               Proffessional Cyclist

I quickly dialled the number accompanying it and before long, our mutual friend came around the corner. As I mounted the bike, he handed me that helmet again.

I cursed out loudly as I put it on, thinking of all the shampoos and conditioners I would use when I got back home.